Sending Big Love This Valentine’s Day
It’s one of those mornings when the coffee can’t brew fast enough. There’s nowhere to rush off to, but it’s January 31st and she’s expressing herself to the fullest. The sky is a dismal shade of grey and the trees are still. Bare. Bored of the monochromatic look of the season. Even the trees are aching for a pop of color. “Please,” they plead, “please, God, let a bud burst open, or a bird fly by — anything to tie the room together.”
One of the coniferous trees is all dressed up with nowhere to go. All the good winter holidays have passed and now there’s nothing to look forward to besides Groundhog’s Day and the inevitable letdown that is February 14th.
February 14th is a made up holiday that makes couples feel awful and single people feel worse. If you’re single on February 14th, it’s all you can focus on, and not just on the day itself, but for weeks, possibly a month in advance. The only people who matter are people in love, or in relationships, or in bed together.
Single people, this is your day off from mattering in the world. It’s not like all the other days where you confidently strut along life’s most promising path, certain you’ll meet the right person at the exact, perfect moment.
The single people are laughing because that’s not what single feels like.
Single feels like second-guessing, self-scrutiny, and the shrill shriveling of ovum. Then, every so often, a ‘save the date’ card finds its way to your mailbox and you become a hollow, numb creature, mouth bitter with the lingering flavor of malaise.
It’s not that you’re not happy for these other people, it’s that with every announcement of their relationship successes comes the reminder of your own failures, your own mother’s disapproval, your own disappointment rising to the surface from where you thought you’d buried and locked it away.
For couples, February 14th isn’t much of a better hand.
Women, this is the day to really work it. Go buy some decadent lingerie and show your partner what you’re made of. Forget your natural rhythms. Disregard if you’re in the mood, or feeling bloated, or had your leg amputated earlier that day. February 14th is for lace and leather. Be sweet! Be naughty! Be sexy! February 14th is essentially a list of commands for women akin to telling a dog to sit and roll over. Woof.
Men, you’re not off the hook. Women expect gifts, and the more dramatic, the better. Chocolate and flowers? How passé. Your woman needs a barbershop quartet singing at her doorstep, a cameo from Rihanna, and your vow to love her forever in sky writing for all to see. Nevermind all the ways you show love regularly, like helping with the dishes or having lunch with her mother. February 14th says buck up or get out. What a trash holiday.
Oh — and for those who don’t identify with the gender binary, or for those who do but assume less traditional roles, or other members of the LGBTQ+ community — you need not apply. February 14th has strict rules and regulations meant to keep us all in the same heart-shaped box it’s trying to sell us. If life is anything like this box of chocolates, expect bittersweet misanthropy with crunchy bits of salty disdain.
On February 14th this year, why don’t we celebrate actual love? Big Love. The love of humanity. The love of Mother Earth. Why don’t we express the Divine Love within us in ways that actually benefit our world?
Take that giant stuffed teddy bear money and send it to the border for children to reunite with their families. Redirect your flowers to a women’s shelter and remind the wounded they are worthy as they heal and rebuild. Donate your blood diamond dollars to protecting the lives of Trans womxn, who’ve suffered entirely too much bloodshed. Plant a tree. Plant A LOT of trees. And if you want to buy in and get the flowers and chocolate, shop local. Please for God’s sake shop local. Shop BIPOC-owned.
Let’s celebrate Love in ways we feel inspired, not ways the world programs us to think we should.
